tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post8204854300972231613..comments2023-04-22T19:45:44.470-07:00Comments on Days of Whine & Noses: BrokenDays of Whine & Noseshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04576814729213296763noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-20368444326730803082009-08-22T13:34:31.842-07:002009-08-22T13:34:31.842-07:00I just found the SITS site, and got here through t...I just found the SITS site, and got here through there too. Eleven year ago, Aug. 20th, our 31-year-old daughter died in her sleep. She was a heavy smoker, and I think it helped cause the enlarged heart that she died from. I also think that heavy periods of dieting--always worrying about her weight when she really wasn't very heavy helped cause it. In her late teens, she found out about "purging", and did that for awhile. She didn't let me know about it after she was marrid and had a child, but she may have even been doing it then.<br /><br /> She had low self-esteem, and for that, I feel guilt. I should have been able to make her love herself enough to know she was wonderful just the way she was. She knew how much I loved her--didn't she?? Dear God, I pray she did.<br /><br />I have suffered from anxiety-depression for years, and although I can, at times, conquer it for a little while, it always comes back. I don't go out, unless it's to the nursing home where we had to put Mama last year, I'm not in contact with any of my friends--just my husband and my son and his family, mostly. Most people I know don't have any idea the pain I'm in, because I feel so much guilt about it. My heart feels broken.<br /><br />I'm so sorry about your ex and your daughter's father's death. I KNOW it had to be such a horrible shock--I didn't get to see my daughter til she was in the morgue in a black body bag in a drawer, either. It's something I can seem to get over.<br /><br /><br />But I'm so glad you're in a support group. And that your three-year-old will perhaps MAKE you open the blinds aand see the sunlight. Even knowing I feel a little better when I'm out there in the light doesn't mean I can make me go out more, it seems.<br /><br />Life is hard, very hard---even for we that believe in God. People wonder at Christians with depression-<br /><br />"How can that BE?!" They think!! <br /><br /> Well--it CAN be, and I wish people could understand this!! At least I know God does, and I thank you for posting this. You're very brave and I hope things change for you very soon!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-62950458570879932222009-08-21T09:44:39.347-07:002009-08-21T09:44:39.347-07:00Stopping by from SITS. If you want to talk more pl...Stopping by from SITS. If you want to talk more please email me comichelle51 at hotmail dot com. <br /><br />I have a similar yet different story but I will have to say you are obviously more forgiving and graceful than I have been to my ex or my husband's ex. I have come to the realization over the past few years that my ex is NOT a good person and will never get his life together and be a postive influence in our son's life. My current husband is more of a dad to him than my ex ever was and we all want my husband to adopt my son and me to adopt his daughters. Is this what is best??? That is the million dollar question. I just want what is best for all three kids that I love dearly and want to provide a happy, stable home for them. Both their other parents have chosen to not be involved and at this point I would really like if they just went away. I guess you can't really judge someone's else character unless you have walked a mile in their shoes. You never truly know what demons haunt them on the inside. Even if you were married to them.Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05424336265089036857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-1123417495534416592009-08-20T16:13:18.968-07:002009-08-20T16:13:18.968-07:00I hope these months later that you have been able ...I hope these months later that you have been able to ease yourself of the guilt you feel. I had a situation in my life back in 2003 involving the death of a loved one that I have not had the courage to put to paper yet. You have much strength and courage and are a great roll model for your daughters. The pain may never go away completely, but hopefully you have or will soon get to the point where there are more good memories than pain of loss.A Healthier Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14099542028640638317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-32635382232116145022009-08-20T13:28:35.779-07:002009-08-20T13:28:35.779-07:00You are so brave to write this post. I hope the wr...You are so brave to write this post. I hope the writing helped. I understand how worried you must be about your daughter. I know that in tough times can be difficult to see God, but He is there. In your hurt and despair reach for His hand - He will bring you through this.<br /><br />Blessings.Nicole @ WhenDidIBecomeMyMom.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08457180776067903840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-89021698979817739462009-08-20T12:42:49.396-07:002009-08-20T12:42:49.396-07:00I am so sorry for your loss and for your daughter&...I am so sorry for your loss and for your daughter's loss. Like your daughter's dad, my dad suffered from mental illness too. He took his life last summer. My heart hurts for you. I pray that over time God would heal you and your daughter.Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07820615307402518583noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-45000535381049352252009-08-20T09:40:45.048-07:002009-08-20T09:40:45.048-07:00This is what I fear my future will be like. What I...This is what I fear my future will be like. What I never say out loud, what I do not allow myself to even think about.<br /><br />In the end we can only accept help if we are able to help ourselves. That is what you did; you helped yourself and your daughter. And that is a good thing. But why does it have to feel so bad?<br /><br />I wish you strength, love, hope and light.The Dutch Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00536030919462441297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-60540212773942857952009-08-20T09:15:33.767-07:002009-08-20T09:15:33.767-07:00I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing this, I...I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing this, I'm sure it must have been hard. You are a strong mother for your daughter. <br /><br />And I too believe some things happen for no reason. It's just the world we live in. And I too am a Christian (and a Pastor's wife) And yes your X husband did make bad choices in his life, but it was really the mental illness making those decisions not him.<br /><br />Thank you for loving him. I will be praying for you and your daughter.Star Forbishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02724403615424733890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-72101052489161852812009-08-20T09:00:54.490-07:002009-08-20T09:00:54.490-07:00You're so strong; your daughter is so lucky to...You're so strong; your daughter is so lucky to have you. The guilt you feel will fade as you realize that when you left what you did was create a life for your daughter that would keep her away from the terrifying darkness that was consuming your ex-husband. You saved your daughter, and there is no guilt in that. <br /><br />Sending love and light to you and your daughter.Single Mama NYChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07598244426035959968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-2630534037493502322009-08-20T08:40:07.736-07:002009-08-20T08:40:07.736-07:00Wow, visiting from SITS and I am just speechless.
...Wow, visiting from SITS and I am just speechless.<br /><br />I am so sorry for your loss and I am praying for you and your daughter.Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13521442755671981037noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-89100756016060767412009-08-20T08:00:31.644-07:002009-08-20T08:00:31.644-07:00My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I am ...My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I am so sorry for your loss, and hope that with time, your pain subsides, and you begin to heal. *hugs*Drahdrahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05761053284958179696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-69003043324689396892009-08-20T07:29:30.070-07:002009-08-20T07:29:30.070-07:00I find that writing it out helps... if only a litt...I find that writing it out helps... if only a little. You'll touch someone, somewhere with your story.. and it will help them in someway you might never imagine. And while that may be absolutely no help to you right now.. your story will help someone else... and it will be a way for you to honor his untimely and sad departure from this world <br /><br /><br /><br />dsupahmommy- somethin's wrong with that girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08216064025672866624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-86313616706708644982009-08-20T07:08:42.605-07:002009-08-20T07:08:42.605-07:00Came by from SITS & clicked this link in your ...Came by from SITS & clicked this link in your first featured post. You and your daughter are in my heart. I've spent 25 years dealing with depression -- 20 of those incorrectly (very good doctors to a very sporadic patient) medicated, 5 of those doing my very, very best to keep up with a carefully calculated cocktail that keeps my manic-depression in check. Without the love of my parents, sisters and now husband, I could oh-so-easily have gone so many other ways -- namely, away. Every day is not just a gift,but a choice & I pray I never lose sight that of that.CCWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15881549591986552627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-45171024319025102462009-08-20T06:00:48.637-07:002009-08-20T06:00:48.637-07:00I hope that this blog is helping you deal with the...I hope that this blog is helping you deal with the loss you and your daughter have experienced. This post is very touching, and I cannot imagine going through what you are going through. Hugs and prayers to you.Kara @ His, Hers and Ourshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05378571537285249718noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-60666808225202447072009-08-20T05:40:40.045-07:002009-08-20T05:40:40.045-07:00I am also very sorry for the loss that you and you...I am also very sorry for the loss that you and your daughter have experienced. I have no words to say other than you have my prayers. Take care.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02362541400510447208noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-35164974319176707092009-06-09T15:04:41.060-07:002009-06-09T15:04:41.060-07:00I am so sorry for your loss.I am so sorry for your loss.AP Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15753122081917733068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-1803861956737842782009-02-21T11:56:00.000-07:002009-02-21T11:56:00.000-07:00I'm so sorry for your tragic loss. It was so brav...I'm so sorry for your tragic loss. It was so brave of you to make decisions you had too. It's so hard not to be able to help someone you love. He sounds like he had many great qualities, perhaps that's what you focus on with your daughter. <BR/>Good luck.Kim -today's creative bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09001213765646946143noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-70827346232974608812009-02-12T16:24:00.000-07:002009-02-12T16:24:00.000-07:00I am just catching up here and reading this for th...I am just catching up here and reading this for the first time...I'm sorry for your pain. And yes, some things are just senseless. <BR/><BR/>Praying for you today.Tarasviewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04750633944607986537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-27974670596937780982009-02-09T12:17:00.000-07:002009-02-09T12:17:00.000-07:00I am so sorry for everything you have been going t...I am so sorry for everything you have been going through. I cannot imagine your pain or your daughters. I will be thinking of you and praying for you.Laura Marchanthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07878325934353943862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-49935471963953122222009-02-09T05:18:00.000-07:002009-02-09T05:18:00.000-07:00I'm so sorry for your lost. I hope you find a way...I'm so sorry for your lost. I hope you find a way to feel whole and not broken. Maybe talking about it on your blog will help.<BR/><BR/>Welcome to SITS! It's a very supportive group of ladies and I hope you find a place you belong here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-59196927795924005982009-02-08T12:06:00.000-07:002009-02-08T12:06:00.000-07:00Saw your comment on my blog, came over here and WO...Saw your comment on my blog, came over here and WOW...<BR/><BR/>I hope that writing that touching/heartfelt post will help to alleviate some of the guilt and sadness you feel. I will keep you in my thoughts....Ruthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08484028868116098419noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-86346062207549347272009-02-08T09:49:00.000-07:002009-02-08T09:49:00.000-07:00Over from SITS to welcome you to the group. I can...Over from SITS to welcome you to the group. I can't even imagine what a tough post this was for you to write. So many twists and turns in the story. Emotional ups and downs for you and your family. I hope it helped you and I hope that the sessions you go to with your daughter can help even more. HUGS.Lisa Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13459998924151288637noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-15023874489060631132009-02-07T20:43:00.000-07:002009-02-07T20:43:00.000-07:00I followed you from your comment on MyRamblingThou...I followed you from your comment on MyRamblingThoughts. You sound as if you KNOW where you are in your mind. Because you were able to get some of this out...typed out....I hope that it relieves some stress, some anger, some guilt. I do not understand all that we are forced to deal with, and I cannot say "things happen for a reason" either. I do, however, believe in taking to HEART what those who have left us would WANT for us to do. From all you've said, your ex would want you to continue giving your daughter the life and childhood that she deserves. Your compassion for him is overwhelming. Transfer those acts of love from him to her, now. :) Good luck. I wish you peace and rest.jmthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15910737494137891606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-15169592363165855702009-02-07T19:49:00.000-07:002009-02-07T19:49:00.000-07:00I'm also here from SITS to welcome you. I'm so so...I'm also here from SITS to welcome you. I'm so sorry for all you are going through. I'm not stranger to guilt myself, it can kick you in the butt!<BR/>I'm a Christian, but, like you, I don't believe everything that happens is necessarily God's will. I DO believe that God can take every situation and find some way to use it for good. Even if the situation itself is as far from good as possible. <BR/>You're very brave to put all this out there...Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11137819611978764705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-32702826005199518932009-02-07T14:06:00.000-07:002009-02-07T14:06:00.000-07:00I also agree that you should work through the guil...I also agree that you should work through the guilt and not have that burden-- my husband works in an innercity ER and he sees things like this all the time. You cannot help a person until they are ready to help themselves and sometimes it's too late. I think it's good that you and your daughter are in counseling together. All you can really do is focus on the good memories and move on as best you can. <BR/><BR/>Welcome to SITS, and I hope you continue to post your thought and feelings and on this subject:)Bramblemoon Farmhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01245480846208089568noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1653437705019175808.post-92171023535438377152009-02-07T11:18:00.000-07:002009-02-07T11:18:00.000-07:00i stopped by from sits to welcome you aboard and s...i stopped by from sits to welcome you aboard and say hello... i had tears streaming down my face as i read your words. you did what you could and you did it out of love; and i agree, there is no guilt in that. i hope that you are able to find some comfort and peace and that sleep visits you soon.Rachael Schirano \\ Rachael Schirano Photographyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01807990850570260880noreply@blogger.com