Monday, April 20, 2009

The Thoughtful Teen

My teenager surprised me.

Not once but TWICE today.

I took her out with me after dinner tonight just to get out of the house for awhile together. We went to a mall, I got a decaf mocha (I'm 40 and I can't drink caffeine at night, I already have problems sleeping) and what did she get? A Monster drink (you know, the energy drink!)

That wasn't the surprise.

She had money burning a hole in her wallet (it was her birthday last week). We went to a couple of stores. I saw a necklace and said how pretty it was. She tried on a top and went to the register to pay for it while I was looking around. I went over to the counter when I saw her and she told me to go away. I was like, WHAT? Why? Then it occurred to me that she was trying to buy me that necklace on the sly.

I felt terrible. She has NEVER spent her money on ME! I told her to put the necklace back, I didn't need it. She should keep her money for herself. The necklace was $25. That is a lot for a 14 year old to spend on her mom as far as I was concerned. Plus if I wanted the necklace, I could just buy it myself.

I was so surprised by her doing this . I think my jaw is still on the floor at this moment. She has bought her 3 year old sister little things to surprise her but has NEVER done that for me. I was shocked and proud to be her mom at the same time for thinking of doing something unexpected for someone else.

As if that wasn't enough for me to pull out a thermometer, take her temperature and make her stay in bed for a week (or start drug testing her)...

...after we got home, she was listening to her iPod in her room. I went in to see what she was doing and she said: Listen to this song, it reminds me of you. So I sat to listen to it and tears started streaming down my face.

The song was: Butterfly Fly Away by Miley Cyrus from the Hannah Montana movie. Do you know it?

If you don't know it, here are the lyrics:

You tucked me in, turned out the light
Kept me safe and sound at night
Little girls depend on things like that

Brushed my teeth and combed my hair
Had to drive me everywhere
You were always there when I looked back

You had to do it all alone
Make a living, make a home
Must've been as hard as it could be

And when I couldn't sleep at night
Scared things wouldn't turn out right
You would hold my hand and sing to me

Caterpillar in the tree
How you wonder who you'll be
Can't go far but you can always dream

Wish you may and wish you might
Don't you worry, hold on tight
I promise you there will come a day
Butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away(butterfly fly away)
Got your wings, now you can't stay
Take those dreams and make them all come true

Butterfly fly away(butterfly fly away)
You've been waiting for this day
All along and know just what to do

The past 9 months in particular have been difficult between my teenager and me (click here for a little insight on that) and she has pushed me away at times so this was really truly a lot coming from her especially all in one day.

I did, as I usually do, try to make her birthday special last week. I even took her to see the new Zach Efron movie (17 Again) yesterday. Maybe she appreciates me more than I think she does. I don't know. I'm trying to figure her out.

I needed to document this day because tomorrow she will most likely wake up and start rolling her eyes at me just for being in the same room as her!

It was a good day to be a mom to a teenage girl and feel like maybe I am doing something right after all.

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116 comments:

  1. Great post. My girls are babies right now,and I don't know what to expect when they become teenagers. Hopefully, I will be able to share moments like these with my daughters.

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha

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  2. That's so sweet...brought a little tear to my eye :)

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  3. I love when our children bestow that kind of "in" with them. It feels so great! What a really nice post!

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  4. Oh course you are doing something right! They just like to keep you guessing:) Take that moment and run with it Mama, and know tomorrow when she does roll her eyes that you gave her her "roots and wings", and someday when she uses her wings to fly away and use her indepedance she will still have her roots to come back to you! They all go through these years (goodness knows I did!) but now my mom and I are best friends.

    You are doing great!...and it shows!

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  5. Dropping by from SITS. What a lovely day your daughter blessed you with. It wasn't long ago I was a 14 year old girl - one day loving and needing my mom, the next practically hating her. I think it's the hormonal rollercoaster or something. I know it must be so hard, heartbreaking, frustrating, annoying, but try to remember that it isn't always personal, you're just the easy target to lash out at. But what a great day you two had!

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  6. I came over from SITS and loved this post.
    What a morning...
    The featured blogger has an "Awwwww" post on SITS, and now this.
    VERY sweet. SUPER Awwwww.
    (I have girls, and it's Especially Nice.)
    Thanks for sharing.

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  7. Thats was so sweet. I have a 4 year old dughter and I can't wait for us to go shopping together but I also dread the teanage years. Maybe they won't be so bad after all.

    Stopping by from SITS!

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  8. Yes - us girls sometimes go through phases but we always appreciate our moms. What a sweet daughter!

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  9. Just doing a drop-by from SITS! What a great teen you have there....you are very lucky. You must have done something right.

    Keep that communication open! Great blog, by the by....

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  10. Wow great post - makes me hopeful for when my girls go to that dreaded place - teenage!

    I also love that I see two comments above that someone said something about my SITS post - awwww - I am having the best day!

    :)

    Holly

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  11. Stopping by from SITS. Happy Monday.

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  12. Wow. What a wonderful post! The teen years are so hard!

    Thank you SO much for stopping by on my SITS day and for all of your wonderful comments!!

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  13. Aw shucks, this made me eyes well up...and I'm not even a Mom! What a wonderful day for you!

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  14. That is SO sweet!! Almost every one I know who has teens tells me the teenage years with my kids will be pure torture but after reading this post, I'll look forward to those moments, like you had with your daughter!!

    Dropping by from SITS....I love the name of your blog!

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  15. Just stopping by from SITS. This post truly brought a tear to my eye. I am a mom to a toddler girl and I teach middle school - so I understand how frustrating teenage girls can be. Very sweet story

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  16. Stopping over from SITS! Your blog is wonderful. I am Following you. Please visit when you can.

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  17. Super sweet! Thanks for stopping by my blog. Will be following you back.

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  18. That is sweet. So glad you got to have a glimpse into what your relationship is bound to be like AFTER she grows out of her teenager-ness! ;)

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  19. My goodness, you had me at, "I'm 40 years old and can't have caffeine at night..." LOL, I'm the same way!

    Your daughter is a very thoughtful young lady and your story brought back memories of my mother and I.

    I hope you don't think I'm a terrible Mom, but regardless of the ages they've been, I've learned to allow my children to buy me something if they have it on their hearts to do so. At first it was hard for me to allow it, but learning to give is just as important (IMO) as learning to receive... it makes them feel good to do so.

    I hope you have a SITStastic day! :-)

    ~ Sandy

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  20. WOW! I never heard that song before, but it made me tear up. What a sweet moment. My daughter just turned 2...I hope one day we can share something like this together.

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  21. That is so sweet. I have two daughters and people always take it upon themselves to warn me about the teenage years (as if I wasn't one myself once)so it's really, Really, REALLY nice to read something positive about having a teenage daughter. I know it'll be hard, but it's refreshing to be reminded of the positives too.

    Congrats on your SITS day, too, BTW!

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  22. Thank God for days like that! I am sure they help you get through the others ;) Happy SITS to you!

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  23. That's really special. And it's nice to have blogs where we can get these things down before we lose the details - can you imagine writing all this down in a diary? :o)

    congrats on your SITS day!

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  24. I fear the coming teenage years with 2 girls, but it's stories like this that give me hope! Congrats on having such a thoughtful daughter. And, happy SITS day!

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  25. What a beautiful post. I often think about how difficult it must be today to be a teen. Always a confusing time but today especially! Stopping by from SITS.

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  26. Aw, that's wonderful. I positively fear the teenage years, because mine were quite rocky and I'm certain Karma will come back and bite me with my kids. Happy SITS day to you! And it sure sounds like you've raised your daughter quite well!

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  27. Aww, how nice! Teens can surprise you now and then all right! I know what you mean about feeling funny about her spending that much money on you, but just accept it gratefully and thank her so you don't diminish her joy she gets by giving.

    First time visitor here through SITS. Congrats!

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  28. She's turning into a "thoughtful" woman. I can't wait until my 5 yo daughter is her age :O)

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  29. That's really sweet! You can just remember that no matter how hard things get with your teenager, she always love you!

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  30. Coming over from SITS. You are and I close in age and I'm just starting my family. My daughter will be 4 in a few weeks. I can't even imagine a teenager (ha), but I'm sure this day was worth recording and framing!!!

    I love the look of your blog.

    Blessings,
    Beth

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  31. Happy SITS day!

    Oh my goodness! I'm totally tearing up here. How sweet & thoughtful.

    I'd love for you to stop by my place: Life Makes Me Laugh

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  32. What a great story!! Happy SITStas day!

    stop by and see me some time: http://livelaughloveourway.blogspot.com/

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  33. How sweet! I have a fifteen year old daughter - your post gives me hope!

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  34. Lovely story. You met the core of your daughter... the person she will be (as an adult) glimmered through that day.

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  35. OMG, I want to cry. How sweet. I have a teenage boy and all he wants to do is spend time with friends. Every now and then, he gives me a hug and tell me "you know you love me."

    Good post.

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  36. Wow... the lyrics of that song are so sweet. Brought a tear to my eye! You are obviously very very special to your daughter.

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  37. What a sweetheart! I went through the same stage for a little while, but now my mom is my best friend.

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  38. That is such a lovely post - it just about made me cry. My daughter is 13, and I'm going through the whole "eye-rolling"-she-thinks-I'm-ridiculous phase right now. It is so hard when the pull away but I know they will always come back. Your daughter sounds like a sweet girl.

    Happy SITS day! Love your blog and am now following.

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  39. Ok, I can't even finish the post I am crying. Your daughter is a sweetie!! Reminds me of my 14 yo daughter.

    Happy SITS Day!

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  40. Ok, this gives me hope that my 16 year-old twin boys will come around - hope they do it before the people with the nets and straight jackets come for me... Happy SITS

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  41. What a sweet moment to share, had to make you one proud mama. Love your blog! Thanks for sharing!

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  42. I remember the first time Todd bought me a present just out of the blue. We were at the Disney Store and he bought me a Winnie-the-Pooh key chain. It is broken, but I still have it. His dad (now my ex) got angry at him for buying me something when it wasn't my birthday or a holiday. Todd was 11 years old.

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  43. The Love of a Teenager! You never know when it's coming.

    Have a great SITS day!

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  44. After living through the teen years of 3 boys, I am definitely feeling unprepared as my 10 year old GIRL prepares to enter the teens. It's already started....the wildly swinging moods that make each minute a surprise. Will I get a cold shoulder or will I get a hug?? Fortunately...I usually get the hugs. :) Your post is sweet and is definitely a good thing to dwell on...instead of the eye rolling!!LOL

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  45. What a beautiful story!! I think that's one of the great things about blogging, recording these things we need to remember as our kids get older.

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  46. Visiting from SITS. Great story! I don't have a teenager yet, but I remember some really tough times between me and my mom during those years. Now we're best friends!

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  47. How sweet! I have a special heart for girls that age...it's so rough in the in-between stage!

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  48. Yes, as I daughters hit the teenage years, they do get more selfish, but as I have seen in both my daughters, that sweet side shines through and makes us cry.

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  49. I was JUST telling mom how I am not looking forward to those yeas, because I am now scared that my kids will want to spend as much time away from me and with their friends as I did. I never realized then how bad it must have hurt. Good luck with the nex 8-9 years. Usually around 18 or 19 they stop being bratty! lol
    =) Happy SITSday!

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  50. wow...what a day! the positive outweighs the negative.

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  51. My mom and I fought all the time when I was a teen, but we still had moments like yours to balance life out. Thankfully we are best friends now - I don't know what I'd do without my mom! Your post brought a tear to my eye just to remember those days :)

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  52. That is really wonderful! I have a fifteen year old myself and totally understand! Happy sits day!

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  53. She learned that somewhere :-) Happy SITS day.

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  54. Teenagers are so hard to figure out sometimes, nevermind female teenagers!

    Happy SITS Day!

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  55. This made me tear up. My mom and I went through such a rough patch when I was a teenager. I remember flip flopping from getting along great to doing that very eye rolling thing you mentioned. But now that I'm an adult, we've never been closer. We talk at least once a week, and I miss her all the time. It sounds like your teenager definitely appreciates you. It's great that you write down these moments to remember just that when the difficult times come along.

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  56. Great post.....
    Thanks for sharing this

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  57. That's so funny! This is that one post that I had once visited you on...see my comment up above?? Yes, I remember now:) I am a follower now:)

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  58. Great post. As a mother to a 16yo, I can tell you, there are moments of clarity when you realize "ahh, yes. She gets it". I am glad you felt that.

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  59. Great story! :)
    Stopping by from SITS

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  60. I don't have any children, but I have 2 nieces 6 & 3, they love to do things with me; their auntie is their heroine. My brother is always telling me "you need to stop taking them everywhere or they'll leave you alone." I always tell him that I'll spend all the time they allow me to spend with them, for I know that one of these days they will be just too grown to want to hang out with auntie.

    I'm glad you had such a great day with your girl!

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  61. What a beautiful post!! I hope I'll have those same fleeting moments with my own kids when they're teenagers! Right now they're all under 4 years old and already driving me nuts most of the time!

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  62. What a wonderful post. I have two teenage daughters - my youngest is also 14. They can be so difficult and then they do something like you describe and you feel as if your heart will break from loving them so much.

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  63. I am so sorry for what you and your daughter have been through, it is so wonderful that you are surviving it together. It is always special when our children do unexpected things for us, and we remember them forever. I have a necklace that my son bought me when he was in 3rd grade at the school Christmas sale... he picked it out himself and when I opened it proudly told me it cost him "a WHOLE dollar". It is tarnished and I cannot wear it anymore, but I will keep it forever and cherish it, and it will be burried with me!! Thank you for sharing such a precious part of your life with us...

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  64. This is a beautiful post! Happy SITS Day!

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  65. That made me tear up -- I'm so happy that you had those moments with her on that day.

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  66. That just gave me goosebumps. I don't have kids yet, but I certainly remember all the trials I put my own mother through. And I also remember all the smiles when I would do something thoughtful for her - like buy her flowers for no reason.

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  67. I followed the link to your post about your ex-husband before leaving this comment and all that I can say is that you have an amazing daughter, and sadly she is much more grown up than your average teen.

    So grateful for you that she is reaching out to you rather than pushing you away as you both wade this river of grief together.

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  68. What a sweetie. I've got 3 girls 7 & under, and I'm starting to see a bit of the attitude ... but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that there will be days like you wrote about along with the hard ones too! Thanks for sharing. Very sweet post. Happy FB to you.

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  69. I'm glad you were able to have such a good and special day with your daughter.

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  70. Young ladies can surprise their mothers at every turn.

    Happy SITS Day!

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  71. What a sweet moment! I'm glad you recorded it. Being closer to teenager than to mom of a teenager I relate more to your daughter probably. I'm sure she loves you so much-just has a hard time showing it sometimes!

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  72. so glad to hear she surprised you in good ways twice in a row! cherish them!!! You give me hope with my girls :)

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  73. This is a great way to know you are doing something right. Its good there are still moments to remind you that the other stuff is just circumstancial. Just remember all the turmoil is becaue you are raising an ADULT, not a child. The raising a child is no longer applicable, even though she will always be your baby. So just try and remmeber that when she tells you she hates you and all that lovely teenager jazz-- in a few years, when she is an adult and living an independent life, she WILL forget all of that, and be your daughter again! Good luck!

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  74. How beautiful! What a tender memory you both will have about that day. I think it is cool to not like your parents as a teenager and most kids just follow along with that mind set, but really they love and adore their parents. It's the little things like that which make it all worth while, don't you think?

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  75. Awwww, that's so sweet. Teenagers are funny like that. One minute they don't want anyone to know that they even have parents, and the next they go and do something sweet like that. Gotta love 'em!

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  76. Stopping by from SITS

    This post was so touching I started tearing up reading it. It makes me want to run out and do something special for my mom.

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  77. What a sweet post! I am a little scared of when my girls grow into teens, but I am hoping they are thoughtful girls too. :)

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  78. That's unbelievably sweet. I think our moms become the anti-US whenever we hit those teen years. Good job hanging in there!

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  79. Honestly, did you have to make me cry ;-) That was sooo sweet of her, the necklace & the song. My oldest girl is almost 9 and she is already starting the 'teenage' stuff...I'm so not ready. Good to know they have their 'good' days.

    Jamie :)

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  80. I've had the same experience with my 17 year old daughter. Most of the time she can't stand to be in the same room with me, but then out of the blue, she'll be sweet and caring. Must be nature's way of keeping us from killing them. LOL!

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  81. This is so inspiring to read as a new mom of a girl! Moms and daughters go through rough patches, but you two are going to get past them. She clearly loves and appreciates you!

    HAPPY SITS DAY!

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  82. Awww what a sweet girl!! I love that song too, makes me cry every time

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  83. How beautiful! Being a teenager is a tough age for them so, they have many emotions that we deal with. I'm learning as I go, and I often look back at how I was as a teenager. Jaw Dropping!

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  84. obviously you are doing something right and you are getting through to her. This is a glimpse of what you can look forward to in your relationship with her once you get on the other side of the teen years.

    Beautiful post!

    Happy FB SITS day!

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  85. How sweet! I have never heard that song before, but the lyrics are beautiful! Sounds like you are doing a great job as a mother.

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  86. Awww how sweet! My mom and I definitely had our issues when I was growing up. But now, at 24, my mom and I are so incredibly close. So you have that to look forward to!

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  87. She sounds like a sweet teen :) My mom and I have grown closer together over the years as well so this story sounds somewhat familiar! :)

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  88. I will never have a teenage girl as I have 2 sons, but I remember being a teenage girl. Hold onto days like these!

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  89. Oh you made me tear up.
    My mom and I had rough times in my teenage years.
    Now we speak to each other every single blessed day of life (Skype video calls). :-)

    Hang in there. If you did the right by them growing up, then they're gonna come out on the other side just fine. This is your time to trust them, and to continue to guide even when it hurts.

    They need you more than their teenage hormones will usually let them admit.

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  90. That is so great to read. I get so scared of the days when my kids are teenagers. It's nice to read that it might not be all that bad:) Your daughter sounds very sweet!

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  91. That is awesome! You should feel absolutely amazing because you've clearly done a fabulous job in raising your children!

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  92. Awwwww!!! I love this!! They really DO think about us! She's really growing up!

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  93. That is so sweet. It gives me hope for my boy's teenage years!

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  94. As a (fairly recent) former teenager myself, I can attest to the fact that eventually those of us with great moms DO learn to appreciate how awesome they are. Eventually ;)

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  95. That was very thoughtful of her. I enjoyed reading your post.

    Stopping by from SITS

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  96. It's always so great when teens show they are turning into mature adults and growing up to be kind and thoughtful people!! It's validation for you as a parent. I love these moments from my son, no matter how few and far between, they mean so much.

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  97. Hiya from SITS! Congrats on being the FB... Love your post! You have a very thoughtful daughter!

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  98. I hope that when my daughter becomes a teenager she is as thoughtful as yours.

    Happy SITS day!

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  99. That's so awesome. I'm glad you had this special day with her. Happy SITS day!

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  100. Very happy SITS day to you! There's still hope for me yet when I read posts like this. I have a tween daughter and I'm about to become a single mom, just in time for the teen years (men have wonderful timing, don't they?)

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  101. Moments like those make you remember why you had kids. Especially in those teenage years! I don't have a teenager...yet, but I remember being one! Eeek!! Great job raising her, she is clearly turning out just right!

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  102. It's so nice when our teens think of us!

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  103. Sounds like you have a sweet girl on your hands. Teenagers are difficult my nature. I know I was a difficult one. It is moments like this that make you proud!

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  104. As a mom of two teens and a soon-to-be teenie bopper, I so appreciate this post. I can feel your shock and exhilaration from these wonderful gestures. That's just awesome!!!

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  105. here from sits... this made me cry!

    i have a 15-year-old and she has done things like this. 14 was a tough year. hang in there!

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  106. I missed your SITS Day but wanted to come back and I am so glad I did! I am 23 and think my mom and I still clash heads but in the end everything works out and the love is still there :) Sounds like you and your daughter have a bond that is unbreakable!!

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